I'm holding this fucking hate in my heart
And you have no clue
You think I'm perfect,
Don't you?
Well, that's where I laugh
Cause your so blind
You don't see the truth
Your too kind
Go ahead believing this lie
As life goes on by...
One day, you'll see the truth
One day, this shields gonna fall
Rolling off like a fucking bouncy ball
Don't like it?
Too fucking bad!
I'm sick of your shit!
I don't care if your sad
Go on to hell
Keep ringing that judgment bell
It's tolling on your sins
All your secret trends
Go to hell
And leave me the fuck alone!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
In A World Of Confusion
Lost in a world of confusion
Being all alone
Crying in this world of confusion
Trying to find my own
Wanting nothing more
Than to find a friend
Finally putting these doubts and fears to an end
Trying to stop the voices from entering my mind
Saying I'm ok
Pretending I'm fine
Doesn't anyone see,
How this pain is hurting me?
Yet, they quickly walk on by
Not seeing me cry
They look at me
Believing all my lies
So in the end
I don't share what's inside
I'm too scared
So I hide
Because I know no one really cares
In this world of confusion
Being all alone
Crying in this world of confusion
Trying to find my own
Wanting nothing more
Than to find a friend
Finally putting these doubts and fears to an end
Trying to stop the voices from entering my mind
Saying I'm ok
Pretending I'm fine
Doesn't anyone see,
How this pain is hurting me?
Yet, they quickly walk on by
Not seeing me cry
They look at me
Believing all my lies
So in the end
I don't share what's inside
I'm too scared
So I hide
Because I know no one really cares
In this world of confusion
Friday, October 2, 2009
My Twilight
How many of you love the Twilight series? The action, and desperate love and the dangerous choices just get you all excited? Or the choice Bella has to make between Jacob and Edward puts you on the edge of your seat? Not many knows the pain and stress that that choice causes. Not many know how hard it is. Only a few do. I am one of those few.
I have my own "Edward" and "Jacob". One is my life long friend and the other is my first love. You might be thinking, "well, your Edward is obviously your first love." WRONG! My Edward is in fact my life long friend. Which would mean that Jacob is my first love. Well, you might be asking "How is that possible?!? Once you fall in love with someone, aren't you always in love with them and no one else?!?" Yes, this is true. But love is not that simple, unfortunately. Let me describe my Edward and Jacob and have you decide for yourself.
My "Edward" I met when I was young and had no friends. I was basically alone and the world when he came to me. He became my friend, my protector, my love. He knows how to make me smile, even on the phone. He can tell when I'm blushing by the sound of my voice. He knows my stupid little habits by heart. He is my everything. But, like Bella's Edward, he left me, throwing me into a world so cold and cruel that I too, became cold, only to return to my side years later and fill my world with sunshine. I too know how Bella feels when told to move on,not because she doesn't belong but because he doesn't think he's good enough for her. I know how she feels when she can't move on, how she feels when having the memory of his face come into her dreams at night and to have everything remind her of him, only to know he's gone. To have the nightmares. I too, know the hurt of when you are finally moving on, he returns to tell you to love him and be with him forever. I too know the hurt, the stress, the pain. This is my "Edward"
My "Jacob" is my first, real boyfriend, my first love, my constant friend. His smile makes me lose my breath, his voice makes my heart skip, my opinion matters most. He has become my friend and my love for him has grown stronger. We've had our trials together and yet, we've succeeded and came out stronger than ever. He, like Bella's Jacob, has always been there for me, to comfort, protect, to make me smile. He, like Jacob, has healed my broken heart, has given me a new reason to live, has taught me to love again. This is my "Jacob"
Most people don't realize it, but I know exactly how Bella feels. How, when Edward returns, she's torn, knowing she has to make a decision that might break one or the other, knowing she's in love with two men, yet can't decide which are better because they are both good.It has become an everyday choice for me and has made me as I am. But, unlike Bella, I might not choose my Edward this time. I might go with Jacob. Your probably saying,"What?!? Why?!? He's your true love! You have to be with him!!" But, I can't. See, my Edward and I will always love each other. I know that now. Nothing in this world will ever break this love. He will always be apart of me and I will always be apart of him. We will never find another "Bella" or "Edward". We will always be together for we are soul mates. But, still, I cannot be with him. I have found that some things are better left in the past and sometimes, all you can do is move on, whether you want to or not. This is for me. Does making this decision hurt? Like hell every day. You see, I have made this decision everyday for the past two years and everyday it has tortured me. It has become a part of me. That will never change. I will always have apart of me that will want to be with Edward. This is my life. This is my destiny. But, unlike Bella, mine lies with my Jacob. Whose does yours lie with? Will you choose your Edward? Or your Jacob? The choice is yours.
"Forbidden to remember; Terrified to forget"
I have my own "Edward" and "Jacob". One is my life long friend and the other is my first love. You might be thinking, "well, your Edward is obviously your first love." WRONG! My Edward is in fact my life long friend. Which would mean that Jacob is my first love. Well, you might be asking "How is that possible?!? Once you fall in love with someone, aren't you always in love with them and no one else?!?" Yes, this is true. But love is not that simple, unfortunately. Let me describe my Edward and Jacob and have you decide for yourself.
My "Edward" I met when I was young and had no friends. I was basically alone and the world when he came to me. He became my friend, my protector, my love. He knows how to make me smile, even on the phone. He can tell when I'm blushing by the sound of my voice. He knows my stupid little habits by heart. He is my everything. But, like Bella's Edward, he left me, throwing me into a world so cold and cruel that I too, became cold, only to return to my side years later and fill my world with sunshine. I too know how Bella feels when told to move on,not because she doesn't belong but because he doesn't think he's good enough for her. I know how she feels when she can't move on, how she feels when having the memory of his face come into her dreams at night and to have everything remind her of him, only to know he's gone. To have the nightmares. I too, know the hurt of when you are finally moving on, he returns to tell you to love him and be with him forever. I too know the hurt, the stress, the pain. This is my "Edward"
My "Jacob" is my first, real boyfriend, my first love, my constant friend. His smile makes me lose my breath, his voice makes my heart skip, my opinion matters most. He has become my friend and my love for him has grown stronger. We've had our trials together and yet, we've succeeded and came out stronger than ever. He, like Bella's Jacob, has always been there for me, to comfort, protect, to make me smile. He, like Jacob, has healed my broken heart, has given me a new reason to live, has taught me to love again. This is my "Jacob"
Most people don't realize it, but I know exactly how Bella feels. How, when Edward returns, she's torn, knowing she has to make a decision that might break one or the other, knowing she's in love with two men, yet can't decide which are better because they are both good.It has become an everyday choice for me and has made me as I am. But, unlike Bella, I might not choose my Edward this time. I might go with Jacob. Your probably saying,"What?!? Why?!? He's your true love! You have to be with him!!" But, I can't. See, my Edward and I will always love each other. I know that now. Nothing in this world will ever break this love. He will always be apart of me and I will always be apart of him. We will never find another "Bella" or "Edward". We will always be together for we are soul mates. But, still, I cannot be with him. I have found that some things are better left in the past and sometimes, all you can do is move on, whether you want to or not. This is for me. Does making this decision hurt? Like hell every day. You see, I have made this decision everyday for the past two years and everyday it has tortured me. It has become a part of me. That will never change. I will always have apart of me that will want to be with Edward. This is my life. This is my destiny. But, unlike Bella, mine lies with my Jacob. Whose does yours lie with? Will you choose your Edward? Or your Jacob? The choice is yours.
"Forbidden to remember; Terrified to forget"
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